god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
