her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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