you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I FOUND THE LEGS
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
