Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
