So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
