Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
