She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
