My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
