I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.