You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY