Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....