Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Even my vagina gasped.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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