i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
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She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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