he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
