haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
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Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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