After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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