it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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