i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
