I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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