Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dicks are not precious.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
