Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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