'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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