I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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