I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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