Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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