If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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