And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
