i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
