We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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