C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
