Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
