why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
