I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
