CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
