Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
