Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
