I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
