Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
