There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
