what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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