I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
