Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
