Betty ford says i'm here all night
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
