it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
