I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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