Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
