Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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