The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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