Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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