he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
