First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am spending my child support on dildos
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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