I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
