Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
