Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
