I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
