My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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