we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
