she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
