You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
