my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
