I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
