I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
