drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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