Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
