final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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