tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
