I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
