she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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