where am i from again
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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