he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
