and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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